The Extra-Solar Union of Systems Archive

I would grade you NOW, but I don't know if that will screw up Mindset

EDIT: And now moderation is mysteriously absent. Odd.
EDIT2: But I still can access the mod panel? Okay, double odd.

Doesn't matter 1 way or another to me. I've got nothing but time.

Alright, I was told MS doesn't mind me grading, so let's see...

Test 1: 40%

Honestly, this test read strangely. It had not a bad start, with the telling of the ruins around the character and a bit of how he seemed to be the cause of it. But you suddenly had him attacked by a GeneDog, and while you explained what it was, we have no idea of what it looks like and why it scares the Spark. The dream sequence as he runs isn't too bad, and it explains what happened to cause the ruination, but it feels...rushed, unfinished. Like this is your first draft and you weren't sure where to go with it. Then it ends with his suit getting ripped open and the gas finishing him off. It felt rushed, and incomplete. And you didn't really write how he dealt with the situation nor did I see anything about his family being lost to it. And really, some description of the ruined city in the beginning, the somber feeling of the streets, the strange piles of goo, and the sadness of a lone figure standing would have really brought out the emotion of this scene, and a memory sequence of him watching in horror as people began to dissolve due to his invention would have been nice too.


Test 2: 55%

You seemed to be getting better as you went along these tests. This one was structured, it had the situation with the fleet, an explanation for what had happened and what caused it, the fleets surrender and contact with the Mindsetti commander, and then your commander left to speak with them. And...that's it. You just ended it there without us knowing what happened. As far as we know, you could have failed and been wiped out, or you could have saved everyone, and we wouldn't know from your ending. A nice job describing the culture of the soldiers and the political climate of your nation, but it still had the feeling of being unfinished.


Test 3: 65%

Again, you seem to be doing better and better as the tests go on. You took a different route by choosing to have the explanation at the climax of the story, rather than the beginning, but worked well. We got the sense of urgency, although it took some time to build and only came into being when the Molotovs got thrown. The character of the Mayor was developed a bit, but I'd like to have known a bit more about him, as well as a little more buildup to the confrontation, perhaps a bit more about the mobs actions, like stealing food and such, so they don't seem like the bad guys they were, though you managed to make the leader seem like a bastard. =P A good climax and conclusion. Overall, a nice test, but you didn't really show the things the test mentioned as the background of this. It seemed like a minor incident in that it only hit the capital. The government didn't seem to be on the verge of falling apart, nor were there massive protests. Just one in the capital. The sense of urgency was there but not one befitting a national crisis.



Overall: 53%

Honestly, you did well on the last but they all felt like they were missing pieces and quite rushed. You did these very quickly, within two days and the last two tests on the same day. We give you a lot of time for a reason, so you can work on your tests and work them over with the time you have. As such, you didn't make the grade, it being 85%. However, I feel you CAN make it, quite well, you just rushed things. I don't know if there is a break time between when you can take another test, but I will ask. I will notify you on when that will be. You are a good writer, you just need to slow down and work out what you will write.

I'd like to quantify this if I may, I was treating the tests as if they were posts, requireing another person to interact.

If I was told or it was implied that I should treat them more as samples of writing then as posts I'd expand on them. I'd be more then willing to take another test.

Oh, I see, it was a misunderstanding. Hmmm, well if thats true, I may be able to see if you can retake the test again.

Yeah the first one was REALLY rushed, the last 2 were incomplete, especially the second one where the results would normally be in the hands of the other nation.

A note - there is no limit on the number of tests one can take in order to join the ESUS. TFU, I believe, has taken it at least four or five times and only succeeded on his final try.

Failure isn't a black mark - there's no differentiation between those who have failed and those who haven't attempted the test. It's a fairly arbitrary mark, and it gets more and more difficult to enter the ESUS as years go by (as we tend to judge by our own RP, and that gets better over time), but that's not to say it's urgent.

If you feel you could've done much, much better, I can give you another few scenarios (or you can go with the original three), but the important thing here is to take your time and write to the absolute best of your ability. We're looking for your limits as a writer, not how good your average post is.

I know he can take another test, I just wasn't sure if there was a grace period between tests.

No, you can repeat it as much as you like as often as you like.

That might be incredibly annoying if someone did that, but thats how it is.

gimmie a few days then, I'll re-try the original 3 on monday when I'm not drowning in work