Yo again...

[The Fedral Union]

So I'm thinking ill give this another crack. If you guys would not mind.. so yeah.

[Zerstorendar]

Good luck.

[Trailers]

Hey Rob. I have two applicants running I have to grade already, so Imma letta someone else test ya. >.<

[Telros]

Alrighty, seeing as everyone is busy, I will be the one to test you. As per usual, fulfill the scenario fully. Any outcome, unless specified, is welcome, as long as you finish the scenario. And these scenarios can be put into your history, or not, it is up to you. Anyways, onto the scenarios:

#1: Your nation discovers an alien empire during a routine scouting mission. Due to lingual trouble, your ship is fired upon and destroyed. The empire then launches an all out attack on your nation. Their tech is incredibly advanced, and you have no way of finding a way to parity in time. Write the war and your last stand at your homeworld.

#2: A distress call on one of your border system is received by one of your patrol ships and you investigate. The ship is damaged, out of power, and empty of life, despite what the call states.Once aboard, you encounter a horrific entity whom has caused the crew's disappearance. It has locked out you from escaping and proceeds to hunt you down one by one. Write out the desperate struggle of the crew as it kills them one by one, and write a finisher.

#3: Your people have just barely managed to survive a genocidal war with the ESUS by taking 50,000 of its citizens, soldiers and citizens, and jumping away in a convoy fleet. It has eluded detection for several years in its struggle to find a new world to rebuild, but a stray antimatter explosion alerts ESUS forces to your location and arrive with a full fleet. They proceed to chase your convoy and hammer at it with everything it has. RP the desperate flight from their forces and the conclusion.

Enjoy.

[The Fedral Union]

`The war had gone badly from the start, billions of lives had already been lost, world after world fell to these...things. We only know them as the Proximan. On June 4th, 2808, one of our ships detected a Proximan scout party. The TAS Archon attempted to communicate with them but nothing worked. The Archon was destroyed with all hands; thousands of people slaughtered for trying to talk to them. Over the next few months , the Proximan invaded, world after world was destroyed. They just brutally massacred our populace, our countrymen, our soldiers, without heeding to our cries of surrender.

My name is Paul Jeremiah Hood. I’ve been assigned to the last fleet protecting New Sol from the final push on our home world. This is my story…

The sky was filled with thousands of twinkling stars, I gazed upon the great expanse of darkness, tears in my eyes, I was afraid, I was shaking to the bone with fear. My dragon fury shuddered as I pulled back on the control stick the nose of my craft banking up. "I could hear the roar of the engines in my ear; they were the only things that broke the silence. I gripped my control stick sweat beading upon my forehead, my brown eyes focusing on a distant point of light as the fighter leveled off.

I was waiting, for the signal that enemy ships were inbound; my nerves were frayed. The only thing that broke my nervous trance was the blinking of an indicator light next to my holo MSD. Blink… blink.. Blink.. It trailed off , and I adjusted my helmet with my left hand.

A sudden burst of energy on my scanners alerted me, thousands upon thousands of contacts, all red, filled up my sensor displays. My eyes narrowed. My jaw dropped. Orders started to be barked out by space force command.

“All ships move in and engage the enemy.All fighter wings give em hell, pick your targets!�

This was called a fur ball situation, just shoot what you can and move on. I had been familiar with this during other battles.

I clutched the control stick pushing it down my fighter banked and shuddered, its engines roaring in my ear, bolts of purple fire ripping through space across my nose, the gee forces pressed upon my body. I cringed as I pulled the stick back up, banking my fighter to get in to gunning position of my enemy. My eyes focused on the ornately decorated purple arachnid like fighter before me.

I ignored the thousands of orange fiery blasts filling the night sky. I knew those were my brothers in arms I kept my sadness abated. I slammed down my finger upon the glossy red fire button. Thousands of blue pulses raged and raced out from my pulse cannon, they ripped into the enemy fighter craft tearing into its shields , I could see the incandescence of its fields rippling around its form as my rounds struck one by one. A few seconds of holding on the target and I watched it erupt in to a purple blue fire ball. My fighter shrieked through it, bits of metal and debris clanking upon my hull.

My eyes then turned to several Terran ships. They were doing poorly; I could see their charred flaming hulls being hit by pulses of blue and purple from enemy fleet ships, the sky was filled with tens of thousands of colors different weapon types obviously I mused. I cursed myself musing at a time like this. I noticed the TAS Lexington to the right of me and I banked my fighter towards it. Just as I was starting to push the throttle up the ship exploded in a crackling burst of purple blue fire, its form exploded from the inside out, massive plates of metal, thousands of them littered the dark sky. Some vaporized by the sheer force. I held back my tears, and then my rage ensued. I banked my fighter again singling out yet another fighter thousands of pulses and beams crackling by my fighter.

I was so near death yet so far from it I thought. My eyes looked upon the enemy fighter its ominous imposing form barreling down upon me. I grit my teeth watching as my friends died, in explosion after explosion, I roared and called out with utter hate as my pulse cannons lanced out their fiery bolts of death.

If I was going to die, I was going to take those bastards with me.

I placed my hand upon the throttle targeted the nearest heavy ship I could find, he pushed it forward clicks could be heard as I slammed the throttle down with all my might, New Earth was already ablaze in flames, death was looming my emotions coming out pure hate pure rage my eyes popping as my fighter roared at high speed dodging beams and pulses of anti air fire. I laughed like a maniac…

my ship barreling towards the massive enemy ship before me, I could see my home world cracking, its form exploding in to billions of bits brilliantly in a shower of fiery death..

(Blackness)

[The Fedral Union]

On July 26, 2813, The TAS Luna received a distress signal from the TAS Republic; the light cruiser had been on patrol in the Dragonis Cluster near “The Doorway".

Nicola and his group were beamed into the engineering section of the ship the marine squad soon noticed the gravity was offline as they started to float. They quickly engaged their grav-boots, grounding them again as several pieces of equipment floated past their faces. They could see that the ship was dead, lifeless, emergency lights were flickering down the corridors at random intervals. It was cold inside, deathly cold; if it wasn’t for the medium armor the marines were wearing they would have been frozen to death Nicola Rajem was a sergeant in the TAMC. He had been assigned to the TAS Luna to lead Bravo Company; He never thought he would be sent in to something like this.


Nicola just shook his head, they made their way in a column formation down the corridor, their Bio-mods sensors activating, they could scan through walls and around the corners now and with the help of the ship's map could ascertain their direction of movement.

Nicola extended the buttstock of his SMG, he brought it to bear as they all inched closer and closer, the lights suddenly went out, cold sweat started to dribble over each of their foreheads, their nerves started to fray, and adrenaline started to pump.

“Shit!�

Nicola said with fear he was taken aback by what he saw. Their night vision activating, all they could see is the tattered remains of machinery wiring and other things, there was strange radiation in the area which was followed by their map feed from the Luna going out.

“What the hell man?!�

One of the marines exclaimed, they stepped through the floating debris kicking and pushing torn out conduits and metal casings with their feet and hands as they attempted to navigate the disaster area , they found a clearing, it was lifeless, soundless.. Nothing was there.. They could only hear their own breath, their own life.

Nicola looked around his eyes scanning the area, all they could see was destroyed equipment, charred metal, hanging wiring, and broken down conduits.

“What the hell did this… It looks like a fucking war zone in here.�
He exclaimed though his N coms one of the marines said loudly.
Nicola stepped forward - his foot hit something that wasn’t metal or rubbery. He looked down with his Night-vision.. his eyes widened, he grit his teeth and held his gun up, it was a piece of an arm, obviously from the engineer that had been down there before. Semi dried blood trails and streaks trailed away from the arm towards a pile of what could only be described as giblets floating in mid air, slimy pulped human remains dripping with gore, entrails and several bits of bone. They all flew past him.

Nicola stepped back screaming out.

~Guys over here!~

Nicola yelled out, he waved his hand gently looking at the floating remains.

“All right, I want two of you to search the bridge, head up there and check things out. “


Two of the marines he had ordered nodded; they quickly ran down towards an access panel near the Lift station.

Something came close to those two marines, as they went over to the bridge main control display they could feel something. It was hidden starting to wail softly the two marines looked back.

This thing had malice on its mind, demonic hellish malice and murder on whatever mind it had. It approached the two marines the two humans attempting to fire at it, but they where to slow, at the speed of light they were picked up and crushed, a crunch could be heard as one and then another was pulped by arcs of energy.

Several moments of silence passed, the first squad of marines with Nicola were talking mostly about their lives back home, and trying to get ship systems online as a distraction.

“Agggghhhag!!!!!�
A noise reverberated through the comms, screams of agony and despair, screams of pain filled the comms.

Nicola cringed and his eyes focused upon a broken holo console. He called out loudly, looking behind him to the other marines and asked loudly with a panicked voice.

“What the hell was that, squad two Report in!?�
The other marines around him looked clueless and scared, they clutched their SMG’s close to their chests, and they gripped them as tightly as they could. The ship started to shudder and shake. Nicola gulped a bit - he was perspiring again.

A sudden noise was heard, Nicola looked back along the passageway with the rest of his squad.
A loud wailing was heard, a demonic whine and cry echoed through the corridors of the ship. Nicola looked back. He nodded to the marines saying.

“Take point! We have to figure out what the fuck is going on in this place.�

Nicola tapped his comm again trying to access the communications to the Luna.

“Come in Luna.. Come in!�

He said loudly with an exasperated voice, but to no avail, all he got was static. The screeching got louder - much louder. It was coming closer approaching from down the corridor. Nicola stepped back bumping in to a floating bit of conduit, he nearly fell but recovered. Moments later He heard pulse fire, his eyes widened as he yelled out.

“Report, Squad one report!�

He yelled again and again but to no avail. All he could hear was their agonizing screams of death. He cringed, backing up into the corner of the room, curling up, almost as if he was a child again. He couldn’t bear to hear what was going on, and his own men dying before him.
Several moments passed and it was silence, just silence.


He stepped out of the engineering section, several bits of conduit and metal floating over head, the insides of the ship charred from energy discharges. He looked around and quickly ran to the other side of the hall clutching the gun. He could hear the wailing start again. He cringed - it was now coming after him, whatever it was.

Quickly he rolled on the ground and passed a few pieces floating giblets, he stood up starting to run, the wailing getting louder, seemingly following him. Nicola ran towards the escape pod he had noticed, his eyes focusing - his forehead wet from his previous bouts of perspiration and his adrenaline pumping, his nerves shaking. He could see something behind him, an orifice of black, just plain black, wailing and screeching out. Arcs of lighting like black energy were barreling forth.
He cringed once more, he wasn’t going to make it.. The disturbance approached him faster and faster, He lunged forward, rolling in to the pod's bay. He was on the catwalk, or what was left of it. He clutched the broken bit of catwalk with his arm as He looked down. Now it was either death by falling or death through that thing.

“Oh god.. noo… no.�

He said shivering and gulping a bit.

He cringed getting ready for his death; the disturbance picked him up with one of its energy discharges. His form was sliced in half by the first discharge, Nicola screamed in agony as his blood splattered out, floating in the air and freezing instantly. His screams stopped as he was sucked in to the black form bit by bit…

[The Fedral Union]

Several years ago, the Terran Alliance was being dismantled bit by bit; world after world fell to the ESUS advance. In a last ditch effort to save the race, an independent convoy was gathered, with the TAS Hyperion and several smaller warships as the protectors of this fleet.

The fuel hauler, White gold, had been ripped to shreds by a massive orange-white fireball, piercing through its form and gutting it such that hardly anything was left. The only bits of metal that did survive floated off in to the distance. The massive explosion crippled two other ships as well while the fleet was stationary

“Battle stations,�

called out Admiral Sagen, gripping the sides of his chair's armrests. He gazed softly over the three-dimensional holographic image of space, which showed various red dots that indicated enemy ships inbound, hundreds of ships. He grit his teeth, then started to bark out orders in coarse voice.

�Bring the ship about and all of our weapons to bare, target the largest ship you can find.�

The vastness of space was filled with ominous demonic ships, over a thousand of them bearing down upon the several-hundred-ship convoy. Space was torn and ripped as weapons fire sliced the night, lighting it with a cornucopia of fire. Beams, pulses, and missiles slammed in to the Hyperion's shield girds, the soft incandescent glow of light blue shimmering over its massive form.

The Hyperion responded in kind, its weapon banks opened fire, hundreds of beams pulses and rounds ripped through the sky side by side with one another, multiple smaller enemy ships instantly disintegrating on impact.

Multiple civilian ships were caught in the cross fire, the ESUS ships managed to shred multiple Union ships. Explosions rippled through the darkness adding to the already intense cornucopia of colors there were.

Sagen looked at the battle before him, a tear coming down one of his cheeks, he saw as his people were being slaughtered one ship at time. The Hyperion was struck again and again its shields weakening and collapsing under the strain of enemy fire. Several conduits exploded throughout the bridge, the ship shook violently flames shooting up from various consoles as they exploded in a fury of flames. Officers were thrown across the deck as impact after impact hit the ship's hull. Dead were strewn across the floor as fog from environmental piping filled the bridge.

Sagen focused his eyes upon the scene outside keeping his mind off of the heavy damage, the crew continued to do their duties, pushing dead out of the way to gain access to consoles.

The Hyperion's Terran Flag was displayed in a mantle of glory as weapons fire crackled from its own emplacements keeping the massive torrent of enemy ships at bay. Bits of hull upon the battle ship were being sliced off as enemy weapons fire struck hull, charred fiery bits of hull floated away from hellish demonic gashes caused by the flagship.

The roar of weapons fire reverberating throughout the smoky, totaled bridge; sensors had detected one ship nearly out of the FTLi field the ESUS ships had set up. Sagen stood up he drew his saber and said loudly

�All power to weapons, keep these damned ships off that freighter!�

With that order, the Noble Ship fired, huge guns of dreadful crackling thunder, beams and pulses of blue and white energy tarring through the night sky.

Finally, after an hour of fighting, and with ninety percent of the fleet gone and shredded, weapons-fire pierced the armored hull of the Hyperion. With each impact, the ship rolled to the side, flames shooting out from gaping holes. Explosions ripped though the battle ship, the small freighter it had been protecting jumping out; the last bit of justice to a crew who had sunk at their guns.

The Hyperion exploded in a ball of fury and fire huge bits of metal flew from the focal point, one of its fighter bay pods flamed in to an enemy ship destroying half of its structure. And thus one small ember of hope slipped away from the torrent of life-snuffing water to start anew what was once great.

[The Mindset]

Test 1: 84%
You have a habit of using redundant description (e.g. "I banked my fighter again singling out yet another fighter thousands of pulses and beams crackling by my fighter." That's three uses of "fighter" in one sentence.) Also, your characters are pretty much nonexistent and this reads as a list of explosions. Those are both things you should work on in future.

Test 2: 83%
You should take more time to proof read your work (or have someone else do it for you). A tip is to read it aloud, acting out the characters. If what you're saying sounds cheesy, silly, or doesn't make sense, then go back and edit it until it does.

Test 3: 90%
Your submissions were quite short, which is perhaps why there's not a lot of character development. You should work on not using cliches (the captain crying as his ship goes down - we have no emotional investment in a one-shot character without personality, so this becomes redundant description). I think you should write more stuff focusing on characters completely and ignore the space battles, because your descriptions become repetitive.

Average: 85.6666667%

This is a PASS. Well done, Rob.

[Arenumberg]

Test 2: 83%
You should take more time to proof read your work (or have someone else do it for you). A tip is to read it aloud, acting out the characters. If what you're saying sounds cheesy, silly, or doesn't make sense, then go back and edit it until it does.

Irony being I did proof read it for him, XD. But - it being a test - theres only so much help I can give without making it a piece of my own work and not his own, afterall.

Anyways, gzgzgzgzgz, time to divide by zero.

[Capsule Corporation]

I must admit I proof-read number 3... mainly just edited the glaring grammatical errors and punctuation and spelling... I tried to keep it as Rob-ish as possible