The Extra-Solar Union of Systems Archive

It doesn't look like mine failed, so yay.

I'll see if I can get a continuation up later on this week. Sorry for the fail, life is gay.

Admiral Donau looked at the transmission from the strange creatures, raising an eyebrow at the strange request. "Shrubberies? Who do they think we are, English?"

"Pure insanity!" was the cry from the Captain of the ship, currently dressed in a pink and yellow toga with a wreath crown, wearing sandals. "This cannot be stood for. ANNIHILATE THEM ALL!" Just then, the comm on the bridge started beeping, the comm officer shouting in a very high-pitched squeal.

"SIRE! ADMIRAL VLASTKOL ON THE LINE FOR YE!" Admiral Donau pressed the pink triangle button on his desk as a hologramme of Grand Imperial Admiral Makariimachko Vlastkol, as well as Fleet Admiral Lakoga Naberezhnyiov were standing on his desk. Vlastkol spoke first.

"Admiral Donau, do you understand the situation?" In the background, the captain of the ship could be overheard with his cries of "ANNIHILATION! ANNIHLATION! SHINY KILLDEATH IS WIN!" Admiral Donau motioned towards one of the Marines on board, who immediately shot the captain with a tranquilizer dart. The Admiral turned back to the hologrammes.

"Sorry, he gets that way sometimes. It's a psychological thing. Anyways, sir, yes, sir, I understand, sir, the situation, sir." the two hologramic Admirals looked at each other and sighed before Vlastkol continued.

"Well, Admiral Donau, I am tasking your battlegroup to go out and search for a shrubbery that we can plant on the moon designated LOL-1337, which is most suitable for such an idio...er...urgent demand." Admiral Donau jumped out of his chair, sending it flying backwards and hitting the wall, smashing into tiny bits of splinters.

"SIR, YES SIR! I WLL, SIR, FIND A SHRUBBERY, SIR, AND PLANT THEM, SIR, ON MOON LOL-1337, SIR!"

OOC: Part III coming soon!

HMS Valefor

Admiral Vlastkol watched Admiral Donau's battlegroup warped out of the area to find a shrubbery in a far off star system. Thank God. He turned back to the communicator, where the hologramme of Naberezhnyiov was still standing.

"So, what are we going to do about this?"Naberezhnyiov shrugged.

"I'm not sure, but here they come now." The door to the bridge opened and three tall, menacing figures walked through the bridge door. Admiral Vlastkol stared them down from the other side of the bridge as they approached. The cruel staring gradually softened as they approached, Admiral Vlastkol finding out that they were two and a half times taller than him -- and he was six-foot-four.

"Good evening, what can I do for you to--"

"SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILENCE!" Admiral Vlastkol immediately shut up as all of the attentions of the soldiers on the bridge was now on them.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW! We demand...A SACRIFICE! In order for you to maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiintain survival of your worlds! You must provide us.................A SHRUBBERY!"

Suddenly, a strange and powerful chord played over the intercom, and then the Knights continued to speak.

"We demand a planet of ALL SHRUBBERIES! or yooooooooooooooooooou will be DESTROYED!" Admiral Vlastkol just stared up at the Knights.

"Well...we sent a scouting fleet out to find you one. You'll just have to wait here, though, until we get it." When he said his final word, the smallest knight suddenly convulsed and spontaneously combusted, turning into nothing but ash. Vlastkol could do nothing but blink in confusion at the sudden explosion of his enemy. The Knights, however, were not pleased."

OOC: Part IV at some point in time.

"DO NOT SAY THAT WORD!" Admiral Vlastkol was on the verge of tears. My God, why have You forsaken me?

"What word?"

"THAT WORD! THE ONLY WORD THAT THE KNIGHTS OF NI CANNOT HEAR!" Vlastkol had really had enough with all of this silliness, and lost his cool.

"Fuck it! Fuck it all! You...I don't even know what it is you are, but you can take it -- your stupid shrubberies -- and SHOVE IT!" From the sudden bombardments of the holy word, the Knights of Ni collapsed on their knees and spontaneously combusted. Their sudden destruction caused the entire fleet of the Knights to turn into space flowers (which would later go on to win the First Annual Intergalactic Flower Arrangement competition), and caused Vlastkol to breathe a sigh of relief. Every single one of his problems was gone.

The Knights were all dead. The Empire was no longer threatened.

And there was no moon coded LOL-1337.

OOC: Does this ending suck? You bet it does. However, I've had this thing outstanding for a year, about. I figured I'd wrap it up.

Test #1:89
Test #2:94
Test #3:85

Cumulative Score:89.333...

PASS

Welcome to the ESUS

Someone should..y'know, contact that guy. o.O

Trailers wrote:Someone should..y'know, contact that guy. o.O

No, I don't see why that would be necessary. He'll find out on his own eventually.

Welcome to the Extra Solar Union of Systems. Do you want your congradulatory orientation, known outside the alliance as a tentacle raping, now or later?

Mekanta you want the Acidic Lube or the Napalm Lube?

Roflpants